Four things I wish Twitter had rules against

What a happy whale! (For a failure.)

I enjoy Twitter. I’m glad people who aren’t complete spammers have decided to follow me. Because of this, and because I’ve seen my fair share of nincompoopish tweets, I try to ensure my tweets typically include at least one of the following:

• Humor: I’d say I’m 50/50 here to my readers. I’m definitely running more like 90/10 for how many of my own tweets I’ve found hilarious, though. So that’s a win. Sort of.
• Information: Honestly, I don’t do this very much. By the time I read someone else’s tweet with information like “Hey, Woot is selling the Kindle for $150,” it’s been sold out for at least 2 hours.
• A Named Recipient: The conversations I have on Twitter are the most enjoyable, I think. A simple @ can make or break someone’s day. I try only to practice the former. Sometimes I go after @reagent though. But that’s only because his smart ass deserves it.
• A Link to Something Awesome: A couple times, I’ve shared a link that I found cool and, magically, other people found it equally cool, as well. Whenever I’m turned onto awesome things that I didn’t know existed, it makes me feel happy that the Internet exists. Mostly because there are so many MORE times when I click on a link someone has shared (or re-shared, or re-re-shared) only to be disappointed.
• Images: People like pictures. I sure do! (Think of me saying that “shore” instead of “shrr” — wait, don’t. Damnit.) As long as they’re not pictures of traffic.

Which leads me to the point of this little post. Here are four things I wish the Twitter community wouldn’t allow.

1. Taking pictures of traffic. Why must you tweet about congestion on the roadways? I know you’re stuck in traffic. I might be, too. But while I’m trying to distract myself, I don’t want to be reminded of where I’m at! I want to escape, man! Give me a break. (The only acceptable picture of traffic is when you are capturing a scene that could plausibly be on America’s Funniest Home Videos — like a man whose comb over is blowing in the wind while he proudly drives a convertible that’s too small for him. Arguably this isn’t a picture of traffic, though, but, instead, of something universally laughable.)
2. Philosophical and inspirational sayings. Just cool it, Socrates.
3. “That is all.” When I run across someone who says something — which almost ALWAYS is either (a) a rant about something or (b) a praise about someone — and then closes with “that is all,” I just imagine the tweeter smiling smugly and thinking, “Boy, I really said everything I needed to say in those 140 characters. Punctuating my statement with ‘That is all’ really drives home how succinctly I [ranted or praised] in that tweet.”  Cut it out already. And no “kthnxbye” substitutes allowed, either.
4. Re-tweeting references to yourself. If you’re super popular and people are tweeting about you and the amazing things you’re doing, and then you re-tweet it, your amazingness factor degrades. How could it not? Imagine if you were talking to someone and tried to pull that narcissistic tomfoolery. It would go like this:
   • P1:  Hey, I just donated $20 to the Sweet Cupcake fund to save all the children on Earth.
   • P2:  That’s awesome! Keep up the great work!
   • P1:  That IS awesome! I WILL keep up the great work!
   • P2:  ….

And since I’ve written this, if you’re compelled to follow me on Twitter, I demand you hold me to the aforementioned characteristics I attempt to include in my tweets and the four crucial faux pas I hope never to include. Really, it’s all our duties as Twitter users to keep the community as free of lame as possible.

Pressing My Luck

Because I am a compulsive list maker who has been (on multiple occasions) laughed at for adding grocery items with question marks after them (just in case they’re on sale), I wanted to document my 2010 resolutions so I don’t forget them after tonight’s wine.

Steph’s New Year’s resolutions for 2010:

* Floss at least twice a week (up from zero) with the cool generic water pik thing you spent money on last year.

* Meditate at least once a week, especially on the days you don’t want to.

* Start teaching regular classes at the gym again (bonus! just learned this is done already!  score!).

* Buy stock in Dunkin Donuts (or stop spending so much money there).

* Travel WAY more.  Use the money you earned on the DD stock or saved from making your own coffee.

* MOST IMPORTANT (potentially, though my dentist might disagree): Trust your gut.  When that burning sensation feels more nervous than optimistic, it’s your brain saying “Don’t talk yourself into this one.  It’s not going to be as cool as you (logically) think (or hope) it’ll be, so just move along. Nothing to see here.”  Pressing my luck in life by challenging my gut reactions has proved to result in whammies, mostly. So here’s to a year of big money instead.  (Figuratively speaking, though I would accept literal, too.)

“ONWARD, OPTIMISTICALLY, I SHALL CHARGE INTO THE NEXT DECADE,” Steph proclaimed.

Adventures of an ENTJ

Hey, Jack Donaghy is an ENTJ (probably).

As an Extravert, iNtuitive, Thinker, Judger (ENTJ) according to Myers-Briggs, I fall in the category of folks whose strengths include:

• Ability to see possibilities and implications
• Aptitude for creative problem solving
• Ability to examine issues objectively
• Understanding of complex issues

Woo-hoo!  I’m all set!  Except for the weaknesses, which include:

• Impatience with others who are not as quick as me
• Brusqueness and lack of tact and diplomacy
• Tendency toward hasty decision-making

Err, ok not as cool.  But seriously, what’s incredible is that almost without fail, these are the types of things that have turned up on my various performance reviews.  The confidence and trust that comes with my strengths is in direct conflict with the impatience and occasional didn’t-choose-my-battle-wisely occurrences of my weaknesses.

But because I rather enjoy organizing and perfecting systems to be efficient (I mean, check out my pristine, color-coded closet… or not), the same holds true for myself–I recognize these competing characteristics in me, so I’m consistently analyzing my decisions and behaviors to take inventory of the less-than-stellar ones and make better ones instead.  Sometimes I get *real* exhausted and admire people who can just seamlessly blend into the responsibilities and expectations of a job or relationship… without even a smidge of analysis (or so it seems).  While I’m speculating on whether I’m in the right place in life, they’re thinking about what to have for lunch.  While I’m asleep and dreaming of conversations at work, they’re dreaming of sugar plums.

What are sugar plums, anyway?

I wonder how other ENTJ’s deal with what I assume are similar characteristics… and I wonder what additional outlets beyond aerobics, piano, and writing are necessary to help quench the fire of impatience in my gut.  Maybe I just need a couple more Christmas holidays every month year to disconnect, because MAN those are fine…

Classic Kisses Commercial Make Me Happy

I love this season.  I can listen to Vince Guaraldi non-stop and it doesn’t even scratch the surface of getting tiresome.  I actually consider leaving Christmas lights up year-round because the spirit of this season just makes me happy.

One thing I appreciate the most about this season are the classics — that each year, although new products and marketing campaigns run in an effort to sell (p.s. I will buy anything Peyton Manning endorses) — we still get to take some time to return to the good ole days of Miracle on 34th Street, The Bells of St. Mary’s (or this could just be my family’s tradition), Christmas Vacation, and A Christmas Story.  Even though I’ve seen these millions of times — just like I’ve listened to the Charlie Brown Christmas soundtrack a million times — they still make me feel snuggly.

Maybe it’s because of the fact that I actually TAKE THE TIME to enjoy these things, and it’s that slowing down I long for and revel within.  Maybe it’s that they harken back to when Mom would make me cocoa after I froze my toes off hiking in the woods behind my house in Ohio circa 1987. (I really don’t miss the itchy feeling that came with the thawing of said toes, however).

Anyway, last night I saw the “We Wish You a Merry Christmas” Hershey’s commercial — which I also have seen a billion times — and was thankful that product companies still run these classics. They must know that I would appreciate their commitment to my nostalgia from marketing days of yore…